as the pattern gets more intricate and subtle, being swept along is no longer enough
BY. JEOFFREY SARPONG
“Think of a great cosmic loom in the shape of a seven-spoked wheel; each spoke is representative of an Age, one passing, one always receding, one approaching. Put in place by the Creator, it uses the lives of people as threads to weave the Great Pattern”
Do you ever have those days when life feels like a waking dream? You get the feeling you must have experienced this moment before? I don’t mean deja vu, what I’m describing comes with a certain awareness. Those moments always left me with a profound sense of mystery. They make clear to me, that my understanding of the universe is inadequate and incomplete. That there is a deeper pattern that weaves all our lives together. And the time to unpack that thread was running out. For me. For all of us.
My aim is to examine this thread from many different angles. I’ll touch on the intricate nature of life, the significance of personal perception, the pursuit of logic and understanding, the quest for inner peace, the internal struggles we face and the power of personal narratives. This is a letter to you, dear friend. But it’s also a letter to me. As with all art. When you try to explain a complicated idea in so many words, you find the simple answer, in between the lines.
Deep within the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic. We all struggle to make sense of the world. To be fair, the world is full of inconsistencies and disillusions. There is an inherent human desire for understanding and coherence, in a world that often surpasses logic. Leaving us with science. The search for truth. Yet, so much is found after the cessation of seeking. True insight and understanding can often be discovered when one stops actively searching. I realised this when I began to really look at the present moment. To be still. And in that stillness, I heard it. A whisper from life. She told me to Wonder. To laugh in the face of preconceived notions. And to let my eyes drink in, the beauty of life.
It’s either poetic or cliche. Drink in the beauty of life. But what do I mean? To answer a question with another question. This thing we call Life, does it exist outside of us or inside of us? Truthfully, I don’t know. I spend a lot of time asking the right questions, yet rarely do I find the right answers. The subtle pattern requires individual introspection. Both within and without. Am I making sense? Probably not. Forgive me. When talking about complex ideas, you have to disguise your words. To slip them past your logical mind into the realm of the wonderful. I can’t really explain it to you. I can only illicit a feeling, and with the right words, ignite a spark inside you. Then softly blow, til it becomes a flame. Only then, can we really begin the conversation.
Growing up, I’ve always felt disconnected and out of sync with my environment. You’re probably the same. I grew up in an environment structure to continue poverty. Our degrading habits, our self-limiting ideas, our non-existent hopes and dreams. Still, I was a boy with hopes and dreams. A boy, who wanted the world. So I searched for alignment between my inner and outer experiences. To escape. To live in one world and breathe in another. Only decades later, when I found myself surrounded by tall trees and an endless field, did I really take a breathe. And I’ve been truly living since. This reminds me of quote by Rumi, he asks ‘why do you stay in prison, when the door is so wide open.’ I think we all live in the prisons of people's perception of us, but it's up to us to not make that perception who we are. I had to learn the importance of self-perception and personal agency to resist the limitations imposed by other’s judgements and expectations. Especially, from the people who loved me most.
Back then, I battled with self-doubt, with self-hatred, with self-motivation. It was all about the self. I went to war against myself. And when I looked down, I realised I was soaked in my own pain. Now, I’m working towards being at peace with myself, at peace with the process, and at peace with all my loved ones. It’s a lonely road. Full of missteps and backsliding. Yet, the pursuit is what matters. I’ve learned true fulfilment lies in finding balance within oneself and with others. The pattern weaves, what the pattern wills. I don’t resist anymore. But I pay attention. Present in the moment. For have you ever realised, that life is just one single moment. Spread out for us, from now til eternity, across a vast space and time. And I know I’m in exactly the right moment. Not worse than anyone. Not better than anyone. But, good enough for me. Good enough to carry my rock up the hill, shouldering the problems the pattern keeps gifting me. And they are gifts. Each one, wrapped in deeper realisations.
I’ll leave you with this; I urge you to take an active role in shaping your life, in embracing your own individual narrative and in figuring out what the pattern has for you. Because in the end, we all have to try and write our own story.